EVERY 12TH STUDENT EVER

          

             It was all started when I was in 9th grade, small and simple looking textbooks of 8th grade were replaced by large and complex textbooks of 9th. The two big monsters named Algebra and Geometry were waiting for us. So the pressure was high but not for me because I was a happy go lucky kind of  girl who used to start studying a week before exam and end up bringing some above average marks in which me and my parents both used to get satisfied.

                 But then things changed, it was our first unit test and I was one of only two girls in the whole class who got out off marks in both algebra and geometry. I know doing top in maths at your unit test was not that meritorious thing but personally I was overwhelmed. I remember grabbing my mother's hand and taking her to staff room on the result day to meet our maths teacher (the strict one who rarely used to praise anyone) but to my surprise my teacher said so many good things about me to my mother that she also got surprised and proud too. In the middle of the conversation my teacher looked towards me and said "(आता मागे हटायच नाही)" which meant that from then I was supposed to bring excellent marks at least in that one maths subject. Expectations of my parents and teachers were increasing from me, so as mine from self and slowly I started considering study as whole and sole purpose of my life.

                  I entered 10th grade, here the pressure rose to next level. The daily hours of study were increased like never before. Sports and other extracurricular activities were also given priority but somewhere their importance in life was lowered. 10th class got completed no doubt I have enjoyed my school life to the fullest. The tragedy happened next. Results were declared and I secured 4th rank in my school with 95.60 % Of Course marks were good my parents, teachers, friends, relatives including me everyone was very happy. 

             But now it was time to decide  what to study further. In our society people generally consider us as an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer or as a failure. But the scenario in my house was completely different. My parents set me free to choose any of three i.e Science, Commerce or Arts on my own. But I think at that time my own mindset was running according to society. I thought with these 95% marks how could I enter in the streams like Commerce or Arts. And that was the biggest mistake of my life I ever did. For now I don't regret taking science as a career option but I really do regret of not thinking of commerce or Arts as a career option.

            Further I took admission in 11th grade from science stream. And those two years, those two years were the most miserable years of my life uptill.

My own expectations  were killing me. I don't know whether the way of my studing was wrong or the things that I was studying were not for me. In those years of junior college my mental health was tested like no other. With all the drama, disappointment and studying inbetween those two years came to an end. I secured 78.92% in my 12th boards, wherein my parents were happy but I was at peak of disappointment. Rolling down to 78% from 95% was the biggest disappointment from self.  My entrance exams results were also not that encouraging.

               Marks , results, ranks, getting admission in good college etc etc etc.. I had completely drown in all those things that I have no idea where did that happy go lucky 15 year old girl went? Did I loose myself? The answer is NO! As the famous author Marks Manson said " Sometimes the most difficult & stressful moments of our lives end up being the most formative and motivating." After all these less grades and the trauma somewhere I started thinking of life. I started reading motivational stuff, basically I started thinking of myself beyond my marklist. I started thinking about the things that give me joy and peace and yes, now I'm on my way to regenerate that happy go lucky kind of attitude in this 19 year old version of mine, which was faded over a long period of time.

- Sanyukta Bachche